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23 March 2009 @ 03:42 am
jeez wake-up  

okay well im feeling really shitty about myself right now. me n 2 of my best friends are having a little discussion about college n school n life n they're both actually into school and they're really deep in the conversations and shit and whatever man. FUCK school man i dont even fuckin care man that shit yo i dont know what happened cause i used to be soo into school man and now its like that shit is not for me. but the thing is, it is for me ! and the thing is my mentality is so set on the typical excuse "o yea that school shit is not for me". thats bullshit cause truly i need to be in school and i need to be doing my shit man and i need to be in class and in school and in my professors face. instead of being a 2-time freshman in college dropout, i should be completing my sophomore year. instead of taking the same fucking classes for 3 semesters in a row with a fucking nothing gpa and still a fucking freshman, i should have my foot in the door and ready and knowing about what it is im going to do for the next two years of school. but i dont. im so stuck man. and i shouldnt be like this. im pretty much at a crossroad, i think. i refuse to waste time in school without a definite idea of what im gonna do for the rest of my life. yea, i know it sucks. i mean for now its cool, ya know. just mad jobs here and there in between. but to find my passion. to find what i really want to do. thats whats eating me alive. i have so many different things that i want to do in life and i dont wanna pick just one i wanna be able to do everything and be my own person and all this shit. but i feel as though i cant and to let it out i just do nothing. man i dont know man im just so confused right now. and just now its kicking in that im doing all this shit and like how is it affecting my mother??? i know she worries about me and i know i do stupid shit to add to everything on her plate. wow. okay shes right i do take her for granted. she does so much shit for me and i dont even care. i need to wake the fuck up man. ahhh. okay i think i got this.....
Epic's Mood: pensivepensive